It might help for you to know that, by law, a person consents to sexual activity if she or he agrees by choice, and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice. If you said 'yes' to something because you were scared for your life or your safety or for the life or safety of someone you care about, or if you were asleep or unconscious or incapacitated through alcohol or drugs, for example, then you didn't agree by choice and have the freedom and capacity to make that choice. If you froze or your body 'flopped' or went limp through fear, if you didn't say the word 'no' or weren't able to speak at all through shock, if you didn't shout or fight or struggle, it doesn't mean you gave your consent for what happened to you.
100% of the responsibility for any act of sexual violence lies with its perpetrator. There is no excuse for sexual violence; it can never be justified, it can never be explained away and there is no context in which it is valid, understandable or acceptable. If you did not consent, no matter where you were, what you were doing, what you were wearing, what you were saying, if you were drunk or under the influence of drugs, it was not your fault and you did not deserve this.